Time for a Mom Makeover

by Judy Merrill Larsen

With the house full of kids home from college and/or on vacation for the summer, I didn't really think there'd be much time for self-improvement.  And, I must admit, I was sort of at a point in my life where I didn't think I needed much.  Sure, I could lose 20 pounds (well, perhaps "could" is the wrong word since the pounds seem quite firmly affixed), but I take pretty good care of myself and am about as evolved as I'm probably ever going to get.   

At least that's what I thought.

But I was oh, so wrong.  Because my kids, God love 'em, decided it must be time for a Mom Makeover.

I know what you're thinking:  "Lucky her.  Spas.  Make-up applications.  Wardrobe evaluations."

But no.  Not exactly.

My kids went more organic.

They simply took it upon themselves to make me over.  No gift certificates for facials.  No personal shopper for me.  No.  The kids must have called a meeting and made a list of my imperfections and flaws and divvied them up so they could each help me overcome each and every one of them.

Because it's apparently a miracle to them (or they see me as a freak of nature) that somehow I've made it to nearly the half-century mark without more of their input.

It's recently been pointed out to me that:

1.) I really should make a grocery list so I don't have to go to the store everyday and waste all that gas.  Yeah, I muttered to myself, and at the top of the list it should read "get rid of the kids."  Because I did make a list, I do make lists, but these dang kids eat 24/7.

2.) I should carry around a water bottle with me all day so I remain fully hydrated and then wouldn't need so much coffee.  Uh huh, I thought, I already gave up coffee for 9 stinkin' months when I was toting you around while you kicked my bladder and jabbed at my liver and hiccupped all night. 

There have also been discussions about:

~ the way I do laundry, specifically the dryer settings I was selecting. (That one got nipped in the bud when I simply handed over the wet clothes and explained I'd done all the kid laundry I was ever going to do, thank you very much.)

~what I'm choosing to eat for lunch. (Yes, I know a taffy apple loses some of its fruit value but all the other fruit had been consumed by the younger generation and I hadn't yet had a chance to make my daily grocery run.  For which I'd later be criticized.)

~that if I'd weeded the garden more completely last spring, it would be much easier to keep up with it now. (Ah, yes, but then what rotten job would I be able to give you for coming home late?)

I could go on, of course, but as I've also been told, my memory is NOT what it used to be.  So, hey, if any of you work up a hankering for a makeover, just holler.  They work for cheap.  Just be sure the fridge is stocked.  I'll send one or two of the little experts right on over, along with some earplugs for you.  I've discovered that my hearing is just about shot.  Now, I'm going to go pour another cup of coffee which will get me through until it's time to put my feet up and start sipping wine.  I'm just exhausted from all this self-improvement.