My New News by Barb McKone

I don't want to talk about the economic crisis, I really don't.  I don't want to talk about the real estate crisis, or the election- packed to the gills with stupid politicians and slurring comments about candidates hanging out with terrorists- or how the whole mess has somehow affected whether or not I can afford to get my hardwood floors refinished next week.  I don't want to be negative, or whiny. So, I will instead tell you how the past few months have affected my life, every single night at six and ten.

I can no longer watch the news.  It's been so long since I've viewed the network news, I couldn't even tell you how Katie Couric is doing these days.  And now that I think about it, I can't tell you who the other anchors are.  I'm pretty sure one of them is that cute Brian Williams, but I'm not sure. 

I have to turn over the paper when it is delivered every morning, after my husband roots around for the sports section and tosses the rest of it on the table.  It's so damned depressing, I just can't stand to see it.  But, I feel a true need to be informed.  So, I've changed my viewing habits.

My new anchors, my only anchors, are Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

I've been watching them for years.  When Colbert left Stewart's show I was disappointed- I'd always loved their chemistry.  Now that I'm used to the new format, I've fully signed on.   

I know I shouldn't admit it!  But the news these days is so very bad; I need a news show that makes me feel GOOD.   I need an anchor with sarcasm so thick it's hard to see the doom within. Jon and Stephen are my men.  I still get the news!  It amazes me to find that I'm still fairly well informed, even though my news of choice is considered comedy.  I want to learn about the economic crisis through the eyes of Jon Stewart, who always nudges me into remembering  that I'm not the only one who is suffering.  I want to get the latest on the election from Stephen Colbert, who just suggested that George Bush seemed to be hitting his stride, and that "maybe we should just suspend the election."  Isn't his standard of "truthiness" exactly what the current administration has been using as their standard for for two terms now? 

So, when the rest of the world is getting depressed while making supper, I will continue to blithely either watch "Wheel of Fortune" (yes, it's still on) or turn off the TV.  I will wait until bedtime to get my news, then go to sleep with a smile on my face after watching some poor schlump who has agreed to be interviewed about his part in some crisis or another.   Where do they get these people?  Don't they know what they're in for?  As I watch them squirm, I assure myself that no matter how bad they look now, their kids will at least have a cool story to tell at high school.  "Did you see my dad get drilled by Samantha Bee last night on the Daily Show?  It was HARSH."  

With my guys, even though we might be going down, we're going down laughing.